Thanks for reading and for the perspective, Jordan. As to point 1, see the above “Power to you if you don’t believe that shallow veneer, or want none of that, thank you very much” which also applies here. Lying about wanting a friendship is cruddy. In my own experience I’ve meant that genuinely when I do say it, but I can see how it’d lend some systematic mistrust when others haven’t.

As to point 2, this is interesting. Do most men in your experience usually just forego platonic relationships with women they find attractive? What about married women, women in the workplace, partners of your friends? Is it better to just avoid them all together? What does “not be a good friend” mean, if not uncontrolled taunts and come-ons? I’d argue this is over-sexualization — sure, admitting someone is attractive is human nature, but completely changing your behavior around them seems (to me) like an issue that warrants further investigation of a guy’s own perceptions of women on the whole.