Facing My Trauma With Solo Travel

How to say ‘table for one’ in Italian?

“Sono solo.”

“Table for One in Italian.”

I type this somewhat humorously into Google from my cafe table as the waitress places my cappuccino.

It’s a bit of comic relief — but my hands are shaking and a panic jumps around my ribs like a rabbit in a cage.

I wasn’t supposed to do this alone. Not yet. On the first morning of the two-week vacation I planned to Italy with my sister, she woke up with food poisoning and homesickness to boot. And just like that, my queasy kin and safety net flew on a red-eye back to America.

The next morning, I swallow the big pill of solo travel while happier tourists snap photos and eat croissants all around me.

Tavolo per uno.

Mental health is hard to talk about.

I’ve been through several extremely traumatic events in my life. Even typing this out now elicits sweaty palms. It’s taken me two years of therapy to admit that some memories — which I’d rather leave in a closet at home — classify as trauma.

But we don’t get to choose what follows us around the world. In fact, one of the most poignant quotes I’ve heard comes from the TV show “The Leftovers”: “Wherever you go, there you are.”