Emotional repression is such a hard mountain to climb. Because you can’t do it just a little, you have to fully dive in to everything you’ve repressed. I’ve had many of the same life experiences you’ve mentioned here. I’m so sorry for your pain, betrayals and losses. I’m 3 years into PTSD therapy and life is much, much better, although I still uncover new aspects to my past that cause shame and pain. We have to thank ourselves for disassociating so often because it helps us survive. But it’s no way to live forever.